Thoughts on Grieving

I've been the officiant for a couple of memorial services recently. To prepare, I speak with the family, and write an eulogy, prayers and other words, and help them choose readings or hymns if they wish. I'm finding this work is emotionally challenging on many levels. Certainly, I'm helping people who are in various states of grief. Sometimes I connect and offer help, and sometimes I fear I'm of little help.

I also find myself triggered, and my own grief is stirred up. We usually include a brief 'Words on Grief', and in this, we remind people that every loss brings back every previous grief and loss they've suffered. I'm finding that this applies to me, too. One of the recent services was for a woman who was a nurse in the War, and this brings back thoughts of my mother. I can't normally share this with the grieving people, so I carry it elsewhere. But it is there, and in a peculiar way, I appreciate that this comes up. It is a gift that comes with serving people who suffer a loss, that I can connect with that suffering through my own past losses.

Photo by Milad Gheisari [Sepulture {regret}]

Return from NOLA

For me, the New Orleans pilgrimage offered a chance for self reflection - it uncovered some weaknesses, some aspects of myself that I want to change, but it also brought an upwelling of gratitude. I am reminded that I am fortunate, and that yes, I work hard, but others work hard too, and they face larger challenges. We are grateful to be of service to them. Here are some pictures of us at work.

Where we Worked

The house we repaired was a "double shotgun", a duplex about 26 feet wide by 70 feet long. The rooms are connected together without hallways, with the living room followed by the parlor, a bedroom, bath, bedroom, and finally a kitchen. It didn't make any sense to me why such a layout was used, since there is no privacy. Then we had a day of 80 degree weather, with a light breeze. With the front an back door open, every room was pleasant. There are few closets in this house. We were told that closets used to be taxed as rooms, so people didn't build them.



Matt and his wife Jewel own both sides of this house. Before Katrina, these two lived on one side, and his nearly grown children live in the other. The family cooked and ate on his side. Sounds like a great arrangement, and they look forward to returning to it. He made sure to rebuild both sides the same, so when his children move out, he can rent one side. He hopes to leave each child half the house, if they want it, when he and his wife are gone.



This family has put up with many trials after Katrina. They are dispersed with extended family throughout the region. Matt's job was displaced to Baton Rouge, and he hopes to transfer back to New Orleans. Their house and storage locker have been broken into several times, their belongings taken, even the copper water pipe they had installed under the house was stolen. I am amazed at the perseverance of Matt and Jewel. They are only two of the many strong, enduring, and tenacious people that make up New Orleans; people that are what I came to love most about this city.



Photo: Lunch break on the porch of Matt's house.

Staying Behind

Today is the first day I'll go to our work site, the home belonging to a man named Matt in the lower ninth ward. We are doing significant finish work with the hope that he can move into it in the next week.
First UU Church of New Orleans, where we have been staying, has asked us to leave four or five people behind each day to work on projects around the church. Some of us groused about this request. I have chosen to stay behind the last two days. I have found myself in the role of informal crew chief, since our real construction talent is out on the work site. We've installed some drywall and replaced a bathroom sink.
In its own way it has been satisfying work. I see all these things as interconnected, and the work on this church is as needed as the work on the house of a Katrina survivor. This church has made supporting pilgrims like us a part of their mission, and I am glad to support that mission, and through that I indirectly support the work of rebuilding community.

Photo: Several of us working with Matt on exterior siding.

NOLA - First Impressions

Liz and I are part of a group of fifteen Unity Church members here in New Orleans for a week of pilgrimage. This is a pilgrimage, more than a service project, because while we are doing rebuilding work, we are also invited to witness, to reflect, and to share our experiences with this devastation and suffering.

Our first day involved a driving tour through much of the city, exposing us to a small part of the devastation. Even two and a half years later, vast areas of rawness and destruction remains, and immense numbers of people are affected. This immensity is the hardest thing for me to grasp. We are also reminded how close to the edge of disaster we all are. It is only a matter of degree. Even though we may think we have financial resources, family connections, government support, and we have followed the scout motto, 'be prepared', the bottom may drop out at any time. This is a humbling realization for me, and it reminds me to be grateful for all the ordinary times, as well as the good times. I am reminded of this especially in this town that very dearly wants to "Let the good times roll!"

Photo: Ninth ward near levee break; only a few houses remain.