Member of the Wedding

One of the gifts of ministry is to be invited into some of the most tender moments of people's lives, and this is particularly true when one prepares and conducts a wedding ceremony. Like most people in Unitarian Universalist ministry, I like to start with the couple's 'location', their religious and family background, their wishes and needs, and craft a ceremony that fits the couple's location and is appropriate to my understanding of theology and aesthetics. I expect the couple to write their own vows, and to read or repeat them in the ceremony. This is a surprise for some, and many couples want to modify or avoid this step. It would certainly be easier to use a template, but most do find the result far more satisfying in the end.

Often couples come to the initial meeting bringing a sample ceremony from some other tradition, and this leads to a heartfelt conversation about whether that ceremony really fits them. Even if it does, I may modify it so that I can be comfortable officiating it. For example, I modified a ceremony that came from an American Buddhist tradition, because to use it straight would have felt culturally inappropriate for me, not in the Buddhist tradition, to perform. In the end, it is the creative process that I love, as much as the ceremony itself, and I am happy to see that love connect with the love of the couple and their gathered community.

Photo by Jeff Belmonte